Relationships

 

Jinming Huang (Jessi) 

October 18, 2020

Relationships

 If someone asks me what was the biggest change for me when I came to the United States, I will answer them that I am not as dependent on others as I used to be in China. When I was in China, I was a person who relied on friends, and I needed the company of friends for everything. Although becoming independent is very helpful for becoming an independent person, I still miss being able to rely on other people as before. Coming to this country, I realize that I miss the close relationship between friends in China.

         When I was in school in China, my relationship with teachers and classmates was special and close. I spent more time at school than at home. My study time was long, from morning to evening, from Monday to Saturday. Most students lived in school, and in high school there were about eight people in the same dorm, so the students are familiar with each other. I always found someone to stay with me when I am late for class, eating, shopping. After I came to the United States, the biggest difference was that after class, I couldn't find anyone who could eat together every day or who could go shopping anytime. Most students have their own things to do. Everyone seem busy. They have their own jobs and children. It is difficult to find the same free time. Another difference is that students and teachers in the same class and rarely change in China. In the United States, I have different teachers and classmates every semester. Teachers and classmates are very friendly, but I am an introvert. By the time, I get closer to my classmates, a semester is over. This makes me very sad.

        In China, when I had difficulties, my first reaction was to ask friends or ask for help from people around me. I am a person who depends on friends, and friends are usually happy to help me. People and also share various information about gossip, work and play. The person around me was take the initiative to ask for help, even  enthusiastic. If I go shopping for vegetables, the woman next to me will take the initiative to tell you which vegetables are fresh, and will share with you how to cook them better. Because people think that helping each other can make our relationship closer and many Chinese believe in the causal loop. For example, if you help a certain person now, there will be others helping you in the future. In the United States, when the prople had difficulties, they usually to solve them by themselves. If they can't solve them by themselves, they can ask others for help. When I see that everyone is independent, I become embarrassed to trouble others. Although this is training my ability to solve problems independently, I feel something is missing. The human touch is not as strong as in China.

In China, I have a tacit understanding with my friends. Because we have known each other for a long time. For example, we laugh after seeing a certain picture or a certain sentence. I don't need to explain what I am laughing, and friends will understand the reason. We can also reminisce the stupid things we did together before and have many memories in common. We just need to find a coffee shop and we can sit there and chat all day.  I have thought a lot the differences in culture and environment between the two countries, and I worry about whether I will cause misunderstandings because of my lack of understanding of culture or poor expression skills. I will  worry about embarrassment because they  don't understand my funny stems.

    Since coming to the United States, I have realized how important and rare the intimacy between friends is. I miss my classmates, friends and roommates in China very much. The days I spent with my friends became a memory I will not forget.

http://i.jandan.net/p/89564

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